You Tube Worthy

Sometimes something so funny happens you just wish that it had been caught on tape - especially if few were around to appreciate the hilarity of it and you wish to share the humor with others. Sure you can write about it (as I’m about to do) or tell the funny tale, but something always gets lost in the translation and you end up giving one of those “you had to be there” disclaimers.

Yesterday I had one of those “where’s-the-camera?” moments and it got me thinking about other events I wish had been caught on camera. So here’s my top 5 “wish had been taped for posterity” funnies (ranked in order of occurrence):

No. 5: The time I was trying to swim out to the raft on Agate Lake and was attacked by a group of sunfish. I screeched, screamed and splashed my way back to shore (witnessed by everyone attending our family reunion picnic). At least I could justify my reaction by showing the teeth marks on my belly button - I’m not joking! Afterwards I decided to give up on swimming and went up to the cabin to change. As I closed the door to the bedroom, the hook latch bust on my swimsuit and my bikini top fell off (thankfully not witnessed by everyone attending our family reunion picnic).

No. 4: The time I fell fully clothed into the pool while power-washing the pool deck. The danger of an amoeba shaped pool - when you’re walking backwards, you’re not always certain where the edge is. (No one witnessed this event, not even Jon. He had just went around the house to the garage. No fair! If you have to fall into a pool, you should at least get a laugh out of it!)

No. 3: The time I fell at bowling and came away like a greased pig, but with a strike! (At least the patrons of Sawgrass Lanes and the entire Motorola Bowling League got to enjoy that one.)

No. 2: The time I was assaulted by a tri-fold sun-tanning chair. The legs weren’t properly locked so when I sat down the thing collapsed. My butt hit the pool deck hard, the top third of the chair snapped like a mouse trap and whacked me in the back of the head, and my calf came down on one of the spiky ratchet joints. (Per one of my favorite movie quotes: “It all happened so quickly!”) I thought Jon was going to fall in the pool he was laughing so hard. I was laughing so hard I was crying. And I was also just crying. It hurt like hell! (I now have a permanent fear of those tri-fold chairs. I will never purchase one, nor sit in one, again.)

And No. 1: The time I made a fool of myself on my front lawn.
Let me set the stage…

Rylee was having a supremely bad day on top of an even more brutal night. Thus I was tired and cranky. I either needed alcohol or ice cream. Since it was mid-afternoon, I opted for the ice cream and suggested an outing to the Dairy Queen (with buy one, get one free Blizzard coupons!).

We decided to take Rylee (she loves car rides and will usually shut up and sleep) but leave the dogs (though they love car rides too, I didn’t want to have to listen to Angel whine when Mom ran into the grocery store after the DQ). I had the diaper bag, my purse and the keys. Dad had Rylee in the car seat. Mom had her stuff.

I walked out the door first, followed by Dad, followed by… Rio! Apparently Rio was not happy with our decision to leave her behind and chose that moment to escape. When Rio gets out the front door, she flees the premises like she’s being chased by the dog catcher. She ain’t stopping or coming back unless you can trick her with treats.

Anyway, Mom starts screaming and puts me into a panic. I don’t remember that I’m supposed to calmly tell her that I have a “cheeseball.” Instead I see her heading for the street and I sprint after her. Unfortunately I’m wearing platform sandals that are not made for running and/or uneven surfaces. I hit the spongy Florida grass and my shoes go flying out from under me. I do an ungraceful face plant into the sod, throwing my Coach purse and diaper bag to the ground in opposite directions.

I rebound quickly and jump up just as Rio stops dead in her tracks. Whether it was from the sheer confusion of seeing her mommy eat grass or from my Mom remembering to actually yell “cheeseball,” we’ll never know.

We get Rio into the house and then I walk back outside to collect my belongings which are now strewn about the front lawn. I have grass stains on my pants but not my Coach purse thankfully. I’m laughing so hard that I start hacking (yes, my cough that disappeared for one week has now returned with a vengeance). I double over to spit up mucus not once, but three times, in my front yard!

I laughed myself all the way to the DQ and back. I really felt like I deserved a Pumpkin Pie Blizzard after that!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my “you had to be there moments.”
(I feel like that lady from the cheese commercial: “Have you laughed today?!”)