I have the most interesting neighbors. I know you're all thinking, I have interesting neighbors too, but this goes beyond that. As I look back through my life I realize that I am a bizarre neighbor magnet. Here's just a brief rundown:
Growing up in Minnesota, I lived next door to a man who collected spiders. Not tarantulas that he kept in a terrarium... we're talking big, hairy, garage spiders. If you came across a particularly disgusting one, he would come and take it for you. I believe he may have been eating them, not sure. It also turned out he locked his daughter up in the basement, so not a nice or normal man actually.
In college, I lived next door to my own version of the naked guy. I discovered this fact when he once invited my roommate and I over. His roommate opened the door (thank god) as he was lying naked on the couch with only a book on his lap (double thank god). That was an awkward visit.
In Texas, Jon and I lived next door to the fence jumper. Okay, so I kind of miss the fence jumper. Every morning he would walk to a tall fence that divided our apartment complex from a large parking lot for a corporate park. He would place his briefcase on top of the ledge, perform a gymnastic-style pommel horse maneuver and land on the other side. Straighten out the khakis, retrieve the briefcase, and hi ho, hi ho, off to work he goes. It was a creative commute!
Then there were the mysterious neighbors from our first townhouse in Florida. They had strange people (primarily women) coming and going at all hours of the day and night. One night while eating dinner near our paper thin adjoining wall, I remarked to my husband that I assumed they were running a prostitution ring. They packed up and moved out in the middle of the night - seriously! If I had known that it would be that easy to get rid of them, I would have said something sooner. (As an aside, the people who moved in after them almost burned down their unit and ours, so in the end, I actually kind of missed the pimps.)
Which brings me to our current neighbors. I've been collecting data on these people for years now, but unfortunately I'll have to leave you in suspense until tomorrow. Look for the shocking conclusion to Won't You Be My Neighbor? in tomorrow's edition: Meet the Klopeks!
4 comments:
How dare you leave me hanging...
Unfortunately, since we moved out to the 'burbs, we don't have interesting neighbors. Or at least I'm not sure if we do or don't, since no one really ever talks beyond the polite wave and hi. We like to think we're everyone else's interesting neighbors. Interesting in the good way, not in the naked guy or pimp way.
Hmmm, Kirk had some pretty interesting neighbors once. People coming to the door at all hours of the day and night, and never going in and staying. There were about 10 people living in a one bedroom apartment as far as we could tell. They suddenly skipped out on their lease when the police showed up after one guy threatened to shoot another right out in front of the apartment. Yeah, turns out they were drug dealers. That was big fun. Kirk always walked me to and from my car. I hope your neighbors are interesting in the fun and not the scary way!
I fall short on interesting neighbors unless you count the crazy lady that lived below Ryan and Kyle that kept calling the cops on us saying we were too loud when we weren't even home.
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